I found this product in G-Reg's mailbox...
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
The Elevator Chronicles: My Name is Not Allison
Hello everyone. As we all know, the elevator can be an awkward place to be at times, made more so by the presence of friends, strangers, and that person you know but you don't know if they know you but maybe they do so its weird and you take out your cell phone to pretend like you're texting someone just to avoid acknowledging them. Therefor I have to decided to start a new series on It's Always Sunny in Norwood devoted purely to stories and random happenings that occur in the elevator, and not just Xavier University elevators either. The elevators may be located anywhere in the world. Everything is fair game in "The Elevator Chronicles."
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Anyway it is time for me to kick of these chronicles with a little story of my own. It was around late September and it was a beatiful, sunny day out. I had just returned from the mail center with a slew of letters that had been piling up in my mailbox since my arrival at the X. I enter the first floor lobby and head to the elevators where I promplty press the "up" button so the elevator may lift me to my wonderful Kuhlman 5 West. As I waited for the elevator to arrive I decided to take a gander at one of the letters in my hand. So I open the envelope, retrieve the letter and begin reading. I become so engrossed with the letter I barely notice myself enter the elevator and press "5." The elevator begins its ascent to the fifth floor and I am still immersed in my letter.
Before I know it the doors open up and I make my way out of the elevator, passing some random gentleman who I did not recognize. Still reading my letter I open the door to the hall and make my way down to my lovely room 509. I put the letter aside, take out my key and attempt to unlock the door. I insert the key and twist but the lock does not budge! So I forcefully thrust the key in and out of the slot and wiggle the handle like an idiot. However while I'm doing this something catches my eye... it's the color green. "Since when did our nametags become green?" I thought. Then I read the nametag and it hit me: My name is not Allison and this is not my room! A female voice from behind the peephole asks, "Hello?" and all I can respond with is "Oops." I immediately make a break for the side-stairwell and disappear from Kuhlman 4 West forever. I've made sure to pay attention to what floor I'm on ever since. I can only imagine what the random gentleman I passed thought when he went up to the fifth floor for no reason.
-KB
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Anyway it is time for me to kick of these chronicles with a little story of my own. It was around late September and it was a beatiful, sunny day out. I had just returned from the mail center with a slew of letters that had been piling up in my mailbox since my arrival at the X. I enter the first floor lobby and head to the elevators where I promplty press the "up" button so the elevator may lift me to my wonderful Kuhlman 5 West. As I waited for the elevator to arrive I decided to take a gander at one of the letters in my hand. So I open the envelope, retrieve the letter and begin reading. I become so engrossed with the letter I barely notice myself enter the elevator and press "5." The elevator begins its ascent to the fifth floor and I am still immersed in my letter.
Before I know it the doors open up and I make my way out of the elevator, passing some random gentleman who I did not recognize. Still reading my letter I open the door to the hall and make my way down to my lovely room 509. I put the letter aside, take out my key and attempt to unlock the door. I insert the key and twist but the lock does not budge! So I forcefully thrust the key in and out of the slot and wiggle the handle like an idiot. However while I'm doing this something catches my eye... it's the color green. "Since when did our nametags become green?" I thought. Then I read the nametag and it hit me: My name is not Allison and this is not my room! A female voice from behind the peephole asks, "Hello?" and all I can respond with is "Oops." I immediately make a break for the side-stairwell and disappear from Kuhlman 4 West forever. I've made sure to pay attention to what floor I'm on ever since. I can only imagine what the random gentleman I passed thought when he went up to the fifth floor for no reason.
-KB
Whiskey Greg
Since this is my first post, I feel it is only natural for me to give all of you a little background information about me, in the form of a story. As some of you may have already observed, I am usually a somewhat quiet, well-mannered individual that occasionally jokes around with people. However, there is an entirely different side of me that occasionally decides to come out. More often than not this other side decides to show his ugly face when the consumption of alcohol is involved. Not just any alcohol, I might add. This rarely seen, testosterone driven side of me only comes out when enough whisky to inebriate a fully grown work horse is consumed in a single sitting.
Now that all the background information is taken care of I believe it is time for the real story...
It was a few days after New Years and I woke up that morning just looking to get weird that night. I had just spent nearly 10 days with my family, away from my friends, and I hadn't consumed a single drop of alcohol the entire time. Therefore, I missed all of the usual seasonal drinking. For instance, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years Eve, and so on. Needless to say, I had the itch to forget how to walk.
Shortly after I woke up I called my friend James and expressed to him my situation. Luckily, he loves alcohol as much as anyone, so he could understand my obvious dismay. I asked him if he could do something about my problem and he simply responded with, "Don't worry, I'll take care of it."
Later on that night I found myself in my buddy James' basement with, as expressed before, enough whiskey to completely sedate a Clydesdale. The night started with me just being typical. I was very happy to be back home, and having fun with my friends. As the night progressed, I kept drinking whiskey, and as anyone that is found of whiskey can attest, the drinks just kept tasting better, regardless of how strong they truly were.
The last thing I remember was demanding a female friend of mine to stop talking and go upstairs....
The next day, I woke up to the phone calls and text messages of my friends. Their messages helped me fill in the gaps of the night as accurately as possible. According to multiple accounts from that night, I was running throughout the basement tackling people, as if I were Terry Tate, in order to spill there drinks. As well as picking a fight with the television set and force-feeding his black Labrador alcohol.
Unfortunately, I had to deal with the repercussions of my alter-ego. This includes apologizing to nearly everyone that was at James' house and inevitably steam vacuuming his entire basement. However, that night has left a lasting impression on most people involved. So much so, that they decided to name my elusive alter-ego...
If you ever find yourself in South Bend, Indiana having a peaceful evening, just drinking with a few of your closest friends and out of no where you get blind sighted by a 5' 11", Caucasian male, that has a strong odor of Canadian Mist. Don't take it personal, you are just another victim of Whiskey Greg.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
#1
As I sit here trying to think of a good way to kick off this blog from the ruins of our failure of a blog known as K5W, I can feel nothing but excitement for the future of It's Always Sunny in Norwood.
The purpose of this blog is to share the tales, exploits and everyday occurrences of a select group of students from Xavier University. Many stories may revolve around events that occur in and around campus, but this does not mean that this is what all stories will be about. That would be boring. Instead all contributors are urged to blog about whatever they want, meaning this blog could simply consist of random and possibly incoherent rants over nothing. Funny as that may be, the truth is I have no idea where this blog will go, and neither does anyone else. I guess we'll all just have to enjoy the ride, but first: A word from our sponsors at IDeserveACar.com!
The purpose of this blog is to share the tales, exploits and everyday occurrences of a select group of students from Xavier University. Many stories may revolve around events that occur in and around campus, but this does not mean that this is what all stories will be about. That would be boring. Instead all contributors are urged to blog about whatever they want, meaning this blog could simply consist of random and possibly incoherent rants over nothing. Funny as that may be, the truth is I have no idea where this blog will go, and neither does anyone else. I guess we'll all just have to enjoy the ride, but first: A word from our sponsors at IDeserveACar.com!
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