Well It's a Mac, So... You Know... (aka The Mac User's Handbook)

Hello friends. It has been a while since my last post on this blog but something has happened to me this past month; something that could change the world as we know it, for I, KB, have come to possess the holy scripture of the largest growing religion in the world. The writings of Steve Jobs himself. Yes, I have gazed my eyes upon the "Mac User's Handbook." Now how did I, a PC user, come upon such an object? For it is forbidden by the Apple Cult to be spoken of with an outsider. Well, my friends, the tale is one of mystery and intrigue, so sit back and I will share with you my adventures, as well as the secrets of the Mac User.

One day, as I was sitting around bullshitting in my Windows Vista that has yet to have a single error on my wonderful Sony VAIO, I realized it was time for my daily jog through the Forsaken Forest. I strapped on my running shoes, slipped into my jogging shorts, put on my sleeveless tee and headed out. About halfway through my jog I noticed my shoelace had become untied, which prompted me to stop and tie it so I would not end up tripping over the lace and injure myself. I picked out a nice stump to sit on while I laced up my footwear, and while I was sitting there I heard a squawk from above. I looked towards the sky and I was not prepared for what I saw. The creature was gigantic bird with a tail of fire. It was the mythical Phoenix! How my heart grew with admiration as I saw the majestic bird fly above me!

Now I had heard that these creatures lived within the Forsaken Forest, but I had always assumed it was pure myth. As the creature flew overhead I noticed something fall from the grips of its talons. The object plummeted from the sky and landed directly at my feet. It was a book! I bent over, dusted off the cover and read the title: "The Mac User's Handbook." Incredible! I cut my run short and headed back to my dorm to further investigate this remarkable discovery.

What I found was so disturbing that I dare not share the information with you common folk, for it would cause your eyes to burst if read, your ears to bleed if heard, my fingers to break if written, and my teeth to fall out if spoken. I however was able to ward off these effects due to the pixie dust that had been spread upon me from my encounter with the Phoenix. However, in hopes to help you all understand the world a little bit better, I will risk telling you are the 5 Sacred Codes of the Mac User.

WARNING: THIS INFORMATION MAY BE SO SHOCKING YOUR BRAIN WILL ESSPLODE

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THE 5 SACRED CODES OF THE MAC USER

1) Upon purchase of you Mac, you must let everyone you encounter from that point on know you have a Mac.

2) If faced with a difficult tech question such as "How fast is your Mac?" or "How much RAM does your Mac have?" Simply reply with "Well, it's a Mac so... you know..."

3) If such a question as shown in #2 is followed with an request to elaborate on your response, simply say "It just works." or "Well... Macs can't get viruses!"

4) If you are involved in a discussion about PCs, immediately try to swing the conversation so it focuses on your Mac.

5) Do NOT, under any circumstance attempt to explain, through technological means, why your Mac is superior. This may result in death.

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I am currently working on figuring out what the importance of #5 is, and will have that update to you all as soon as possible. Until then, be prepared for your encounter with a Mac User, and if possible, try using one of the tips against them. I've found it to be quite enjoyable.

-KB